hope

i don't like to often admit it, but many parts of being a parent are scary and selfish. we bring another human being into the world, with all it's shortcomings, and hope for the best. sometimes you wonder if it's worth it - the legacy our children will inherit. you start to understand why others never have children. you would fiercely protect your child from all harm, and yet so many things are beyond your control.

now i am more hopeful than ever. i'm not going to have to rip my family from our culture to resettle somewhere else where things are supposedly better. i truly believe that the world will look at our country differently soon. i believe that diplomacy will win out over future unknown wars. i believe that we have chosen to raise our son within a country whose values are compatible with our own. i don't fear the future so much now. and i am proud to have done my part to bring about this change.

thanks, mr. obama.

we're all in this together

arriving home last night from a quick visit to my family in salina, i hopped on my support group's message board to catch up on the last 24 hours. one of the moms in our group has a son struggling to learn to breastfeed and gain weight. she has 4 other kiddos that need her, too. her son is too little for the baby carriers she has, and she isn't making enough milk since baby isn't nursing well. i stopped by friday to give her carriers to try from missy and me. another mom dropped a different style off yesterday. many moms are pulling out their pumps so they can donate milk, while other working moms are donating from their frozen stockpiles for their own babies.

this mom is working so hard to give her baby what he needs. i am humbled by the love our group shows each other. i am also saddened to think of other mothers in our community that may have similar struggles, but do not have the support that we do. i am so grateful to be part of such a wonderful group of people.

critical mass

last night we joined up with a group of cyclists and rode all around topeka - on the "real" streets. the group is critical mass, and everyone was super cool. missy's fiance partakes on these friday night rides often, and we thought we would have fun, too. luckily, liam is a really easy going kid and didn't have any issues being in his trailer for 45 minutes straight. if only the car was this easy...

you take the good, you take the bad....

last thursday, as i walked missy and mimi out to their bike, i discovered that ours were missing. mine and liam's, colin's, and one we borrowed from nikki and scotty. grrr! what an awful feeling! i made the police report, and called the nearby pawn shops and out to boyle's. no luck. that was our preferred method of transportation. it's just stuff, but it made us feel pretty violated. we are getting a security system (colin wants this yesterday...) if you have any company suggestions, please let me know.

luckily, we have renter's insurance. our deductible is the cost of my trike alone, so we filed a claim. we had the money to go ahead and replace them, so we went shopping on saturday at capp's. i tested many bikes and fell in love with this one. it's really light weight, and pulling liam's new trailer is a piece of cake! colin picked out a new bike as well, and he finds it very comfortable. we've decided that the theft has turned out to be a wonderful event. we still don't know what our compensation will be with our insurance, but whatever it is, it's worth it. we didn't know how good it could be! yes, i loved our trike. it made me feel very safe, and liam was so little when i got it, i couldn't have handled him being so far away. as others might say, everything happens for a reason. me, i think things just happen, and then you have to choose how you react to those things.

we went on a ride to sonja's house tuesday evening, and passed another cyclist. he flagged us down and informed us that in order to keep liam safe, i needed to wear a reflective vest. he then took his off and gave it to me. it was very humbling, and made me feel wonderful that a stranger would care so much about another person. i thanked him and put it on. it made me feel safer! i hope our paths cross again. he happened to be deaf, and i wished i would have signed "thank you". but i didn't. maybe next time.

today our pediatrician called to inform us that liam's lead level is 8.5. once it reaches 10, an inspector from the state comes to your house because your child is at risk for developmental issues. sucky. i think it's coming from the windows in our house. so i get to wipe down the sills, mop, and vacuum daily. we're also going to wash all of our draperies and replace our mini-blinds. i need to wash his little hands before eating and sleeping. then liam gets his blood drawn again in six months. luckily, we'll still be nursing then, so it will be a piece of cake. hopefully his levels will be lower by then. if not, i guess we'll look into moving...i don't know what else to do!

liam is walking nearly all the time now. we officially have a toddler! he has the greatest grin, and is still a very joyful kid. i feel that the strong-willed changes of toddlerhood are just around the corner, so i'm trying to enjoy this easy time while we have it.

party = success!

i had a lot of help, so it's not really surprising that everything went well. thanks to everyone, especially mandy, mom, and missy. i couldn't have done it without your cooking, decorating, and/or baby wrangling skills.

liam's caterpillar smash cake

liam got some great toys and clothes. i was worried about his winter wardrobe, but not anymore! aside from all the new goodies, he also received a bunch of clothes from hunter. yay for hand-me-downs!

the weather was a little rainy, and although our home is small, some borrowed chairs was all we needed to make everyone comfortable.

cozy house full of guests

liam was feeling unsure about opening presents, so marie showed him how instead. zeven and noah enjoyed playing with all the toys, and there weren't any fits for such a busy time. liam loved his carrot cake 'beetle' (it was supposed to be a littler caterpillar)



i ate so much cake during the decorating that i skipped it during the real 'cake time'. after cake liam nursed and was out - while the party went on!

liam knocked out; missy: maker of many faces

all in all, i couldn't have asked for a better first year celebration. i am grateful to all of my wonderful friends and family who were able to be here with us. so, again, thanks :)

happy birthday, baby liam!

we have had more of a week long celebration in honor of that guy's special day, as opposed to a single day's observance. the culmination will be pretty big party on saturday morning. we are very loved, and so is liam. we only invited the important people in our life, but still ended up with 20+ guests. i am really nervous, since our house is so little and it's supposed to rain...we are planning on being outdoors. but, whatever; we will make it work!

colin didn't have to work on monday, so he decided to be all photo-journalistic and take photos of a typical liam day. i hope to have them up on flickr soon as a slide show. they turned out great!

yesterday was liam's birthday and we spent it with our friends missy and marie, and nikki and zeven. we all met at missy's house (she has the coffee and the space) and i cooked a late breakfast of whole wheat pancakes and eggs. yum! colin worked a half day and got off in time to eat as well.

i spent afternoon nap time sorting all the 'baby' toys out and organizing liam's books. we also got our new fridge delivered during said nap, so that was convenient. our old one was having issues, and our landlord, jerry, is awesome. requesting the fridge has inspired missy to ask her landlord for carpet. i hope they get it! we went to 'the globe' for some tasty indian food, then picked up a movie (smart people) which ended up being pretty good. the last movie we watched before this was the new x-files movie. IT SUCKED. colin downloaded it because everyone else was. well, everyone else was wrong. it made me think that the tv show could possibly be awful as well, although i utterly enjoyed it when i was in high school.

tomorrow grammie kate, aunt mandy, cousin stephen, and uncle kyle are all coming to town to see their favorite one year old! better get to bed so i can wake up early and clean my house. O_0

what a quick month!

time has been flying lately. here we are, the last day of august, with a ton to report.

first, i got a new camera! here are some really cute photos of liam being naked at missy's house:


liam's second tooth came through. this time, it was in the right spot (his first lower left). both are on the left side of his mouth. he knows they are there - it's pretty entertaining to watch him gnaw on cantaloupe, watermelon and strawberries.

finally, photos of liam on our bike!

colin and i went on our first real date. our friends, angela and stacey, invited us to the local improv comedy troupe, "laughing matters", at the topeka civic theatre. this place is so cool - it's a dinner theater, complete with a full bar and wait staff. we knocked a few beers back while liam stayed with missy and marie. he missed me, and was a bit clingy the next day, but is very comfortable with missy and didn't cry once. i'm glad he has someone besides us that he has learned to trust.

here is a link to a letter i wrote to the editor of lawrence's newspaper. the comments are really entertaining. "wifemotherslave" is my good friend, evie.

speaking of evie, i made a mistake this week, and it hurt her feelings. i invited her and my aunt and uncle, who adopted her son 13 years ago, to liam's first birthday party. i was just so excited that she and her family are near for the first time in years, and i didn't put it all together. it isn't the right time or place for this meeting to happen, so evie is no longer coming to liam's party. it's best for all involved, although i know she would love to see chris in person. she is one of my heroes. it takes an incredible person to put a child's needs above their own and pursue adoption. someday, sweetie. i'm sorry i hurt you by not thinking this through.

today colin and i participated in the labor day program at fellowship. colin played a few of the songs, and i talked about being a homemaker. other members talked about being a writer and teacher, finding your career path as a single mother, our good friend vicki spoke about her daughter's grand adventure in the peace corps in paraguay, and our friend kate spoke about her lifetime of work up to her current age of 80 in december. i received many compliments on my piece; that it was great to hear that being at home is a choice anyone can make, that they stayed home themselves, and that many wished they weren't watching their own children struggle and burn out by trying to "do it all." this is definitely the life for me!
the second service was recorded, so go here and look up the august 31st program if you want to hear it yourself.

other liam updates:

new words: moo, uh-oh, wah-wah, tee (for tree), and he makes this hilarious frustration scream

he loves his friend marie. here's a picture her mom, missy, drew of them:
here's what they look like when grocery shopping:



he loves his friend, zeven:


he has been able to give kisses for a long time. he stretches his neck out like a turtle, makes his lips flat and wide and then opens them with a 'muah!'

he picks up his shoes and puts them on top of his feet. when he puts anything else on his feet (like a washcloth) he cracks himself up. we have video of this.

he plays 'night night' by going into our room and laying down on his blanket on the floor. it's real cute.

he does 'farm dancing' - we also have video for this.

he's really into the color red. this was first reported by missy's friend, michaela, who watched liam and marie while we all rode our bikes to the goose for some beer. sometimes it takes fresh eyes to see things, and she's right. he will point to all things red. maybe it's because his mom is an aries. ;)

he took his first steps on august 25th, showing off for aunt hez while she was visiting. the first steps were to reach his target dog, the second ones were to get a PBR can. i don't know where he gets this.

he makes motor sounds for cars while he's playing. no one taught him this. he also adores jewelry of all sorts and put my head bands on like necklaces.

he rolls all over truck, especially when naked. we try to tell him that this hurts truck, but truck takes it like a man.

here's liam and jay:

and liam and daddy:

that's all for now. i have some more photos to post, but it's time for this muffin to go to bed!

oh yeah, i have a blog.

hello, friends. there is so much to catch up on in the five minutes liam is allotting me, i don't think this will end up being a successful blog. *sigh* but i will do my best!

the weekend of the last post, i went out for the first time since liam's birth. i went to the gay bar downtown (the tool shed - not kidding!) and got my dance on with mandy, rocky and tammy. dancing is apparently like riding a bike. it had been about 2 years since i had been out, but my feet and hips cooperated, and i actually got hit on by some straight (albeit weird) dude. he asked how he could get to know me better. i laughed and said he could come to my baby's playgroup. he didn't laugh, but i thought it was funny. that sunday we got to see heather and jay. i sure love those guys, and like always, wish they lived closer. i know they feel the same way. but we all like where we live and have good jobs and such, so that's that.

sad news hit our fellowship (again) with the passing of one of our youngest members, 4 month old avery. i had the opportunity to meet and hold baby avery one tuesday evening before a building meeting. she was very sweet and alert and strong. he daddy was there, holding and doting on her. apparently the family was blessed with a high needs/colicky baby. but she was blessed with loving and patient parents who just held her for the hours she cried every evening. we went to the memorial services that saturday, and today i'm making dinner for the family. it seems so insignificant, the sharing of food, but i don't know what else to do. putting myself in their shoes, i think the food would make me feel loved and less alone. i'm glad they found our community, and like the shooting tragedy, there is no reason for this to have happened to them and not us. so it moves me to do what i can, no matter how small.

colin and liam were on the news, along with the marables, for attending the LLL ice cream social. of course, none of us have TVs, so we didn't see it. but it cracks us up how often we've hit the local media since the birth of liam.

liam and i have been spending a lot of time with my friend missy and her 18month daughter, marie. we bike around together to the library and the grocery store and such. our kids wake at compatible times and go down in the afternoons, so mornings are good times to hang together. our kids are crazy about each other. marie calls liam 'liamy' and says this numerous times in a high pitched squeal when he shows up at her house. it's one of the cutest things i've ever seen. she's also pretty enamored with colin, and says his name often as well. apparently marie will wake and utter one or both names before falling back into her slumber. my guys are pretty sweet. she calls me 'gace'. but not with the zest and enthusiasm reserved for 'liamy' and colin.

liam got his first tooth on august 2nd. or rather, that's when colin found said tooth. it wasn't where we had been looking for it, so we may have missed it for a day or two. it's his second incisor on the left. he nearly has his two bottom teeth cut, too. he's pretty cute with his little random snaggle tooth.

mandy spent tuesday - thursday with us while stephen played with chris and tom at the great wolf lodge. we took liam swimsuit shopping for two days. mandy and i are built very similar and were having a hard time finding one-pieces that fit. after trying target, we exhausted all options at the mall on tuesday (this took nearly 3 hours) then hit kohl's on wednesday. no luck there either. desperate to swim at the GWL with the kids, we decided to try k-mart since it was on the way home. there we both found exactly what we had been looking for. actually, mandy found two!

that's all the squeak will let me do for now. :)

when national news becomes personal

we had a great weekend that i was very excited to blog about, until this happened:

yesterday, a unitarian universalist church in tennessee was the target of a deranged conservative. it's been all over the news, so i will only briefly state the facts here. the horrible man, jim adkisson, entered the sanctuary and fired into the congregation who had gathered for sunday services and a children's production of 'annie'.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/jul/28/usa

why? because our religion is a liberal religion. because we fight for the rights of everyone, including gays. because we teach our children about social justice and try to make the world safer for everyone. because we don't think we have all the answers, and draw our personal faiths from many sources.

these are the reasons why colin and i became UU's ourselves, and are raising liam in this faith as well. and these are the reasons two people were killed and seven more were injured, some critically. as soon as i saw the news yesterday, i knew that this would be why the congregation was targeted. the motive wasn't actually released until today, but i think anyone who knows about our faith would have known instantly because it is so controversial. you know, to truly believe everyone has 'inherent worth and dignity,' including gays and women. *gasp*

it's hard to think about the fact that we live in a very conservative town without a shortage of it's own crazies (ie = fred phelps and family). my thoughts are with the families in tennessee, because i know it could have been us. it could have been any one of our friends at fellowship. and even though we don't know them, they were singled out by this madman simply for the faith we share.

i'll let my frivolous blogging about my seemingly charmed life wait for another day.

summer reading

i thought i'd post the great books i've read this summer, in case you're wanting some ideas for yourself. or just wondering what it is i do at work, i.e., whenever i nurse liam.

currently reading:
'jitterbug perfume' by tom robbins. thanks, evie! so far, i'm loving it and would really rather be reading than updating. which is why the blog has been sparse lately.

finished recently:
'breastfeeding: biocultural perspectives' editors: patricia stuart-macadam and katherine a. dettwyler (from the LLL lending library)
'someone like you' short stories by roald dahl (from my friend, missy)
'becoming attached: first relationships and how they shape our capacity to love' by robert karen (from the API group lending library)
'the way that water enters stone' short stories by john dufresne (also from missy)
'girl, interrupted' by susanna kaysen (missy again!)
'the girl with the pearl earring' by tracey chevalier (book sale find)
'the man who mistook his wife for a hat, and other clinical tales' by oliver sacks (book sale find)

i would highly recommend 'becoming attached' to anyone with children or contemplating having them in the future. it is full of the science behind attachment theory. this is the theory that motivates colin and i, along with many of our friends, in the ways we choose to parent our children. many people have misconceptions about what attachment parenting is. it isn't babywearing, breast feeding, or co-sleeping, although these practices often naturally grow out of this type of parenting. what it really is is education about infant and child development, based on scientific research. this book makes a compelling argument against most forms of daycare during the first two years of life. it also stresses the importance of being responsive to infant's cries, and shows that actual brain damage occurs when babies are left to cry without being comforted.

the other book i wish everyone would read, although it is dry (because it is, in fact, peer reviewed research studies) is the breastfeeding book. i thought i was pretty schooled on the womanly art of breastfeeding, but a few things caught even me by surprise. the first is that being breastfed reduces a woman's chance of getting breast cancer. you read that correctly. not only does breastfeeding protect the mother from this form of cancer (when duration is 2 years or longer), it also protects her infant daughter. second, out of 190 cultures surveyed, only 13 viewed the female breasts as sex objects for men. much to colin's chagrin, this seems to be a cultural valuation instead of a biological one. this, in the author's view, is one of the biggest stumbling blocks in our society to breastfeeding. another study shows that breastfeeding and near-sleeping reduces an infants risk of dying of SIDS (but i admit, that i already knew!). finally, over 3,000 babies in the US die each year from not being breastfed. crazy!

as far as my fiction list goes, i loved both books of short stories. i hadn't read that genre in ages, and i don't intend to stop now. there was some synchronicity between ending 'girl with a pearl earring' and beginning 'girl, interrupted'. the first was all about the painter vermeer, and the second also takes the title from a vermeer painting. although i took an art history class, i don't remember the painter, and found it odd that he appeared in both books.

liam updates

he can now say the following words: mama, dada, cat, car, and baby. it's so freakin' adorable. i need to get it on video soon. he's such a delightful kiddo and we cant' imagine what we would be doing without him.

we're in print (again!)

here's something else to add to the scrap book - an article in our newspaper about our fellowship! i was interviewed for the story and the whole family got their photo taken. i think the article is great, so enjoy!

http://cjonline.com/stories/071208/rel_303070483.shtml

a well deserved day off!

we spent our fourth of july holiday visiting family all over kansas. on thursday, we headed to salina to celebrate mandy's 4th annual 29th birthday with pirate night at grandma's house. it was awesome, and liam slept through most of the fireworks uncle k brought up. unfortunately, mom's dachshund buddy got spooked and is still missing. there was a call today from a neighbor who spotted him, so that's good.

friday we spent the first part of the day up at grandma's while mandy and rocky nursed fierce hangovers. from what i can tell from her myspace pics, they were up pretty late doing very piratey things! after lunch, we headed to kyle's in osbourne. the drive was really pretty (i haven't really ventured west of salina) and we got to see the huge wind farm. liam thought it was neat, too.

colin's dad and jenny came up, too, so we got to all hang out that night. liam got a little spooked during the big show uncle k put on, but then really enjoyed it. and then fell asleep halfway through and didn't stir during the huge finale, which included fireballs. these are exactly what they sound like.

saturday we headed back home, stopping to visit my dad and roxanne in white city. after nearly four hours total in the car, we were beat! the boys took naps, then colin went to work - yes, work! on top of all this, i think we both had some allergies to contend with from our visit to jewell. he's had sinus issues and i've had a terrible cough. did you know that a tablespoon of raw honey works as well or better than cough medicine? glad i had some to take, although it's supposed to be for bread i have yet to start baking!

today we were still getting back into the groove of being home and skipped fellowship. we ate a big lunch at jason's deli, then went to the library for some new books and a couple of movies. colin didn't feel well at all and napped most of the day away. glad he got some rest before his work week starts all over again. i'm going to try to catch up myself during monday's nap times.

finally, here's a photo of the baby carrier i made for my friend darla. it's the best sewing project i've finished to date. now i need to make one for myself!



we have a ton of photos from the holiday and pirate night on colin's camera. hopefully he'll pull those off soon so i can post them.

bleary-eyed blog

this will be quick, while liam is sleeping.

our little nearly 10 month old has no teeth. yet. yesterday, last night, and this morning, we have had the crankiest baby ever. what a poor guy. we can only dose him with baby tylenol every four hours. this is teething, and it sucks. maybe it's easier for other babies, but ours is out of sorts.

i don't know if i actually slept at all last night. he was up every few hours and didn't want to nurse, just wanted to cry and be held. or not be held. it was stressful! poor colin, too. usually our night nursings never affect him, but teething took a good chunk of his sleep, too.

so we're all up before 7am today with a crying guy. i can't do anything that will make him feel better, so we decide to sit on the porch swing. liam loves being outside. finally, something that works! colin let's me go back to bed and gives liam a bath (cause he loves those, too). i wake up around 9:30 and find them snoozing like little angels on the couch. well, that totally melts my heart and makes me wish colin could stay home all day with us. like a family sick day. but he goes on in at 10am, and liam promptly wakes up crying again. blah. he doesn't want to nurse, so we read instead. this makes him happy. finally, at 11, i can give him more tylenol. still, he refuses to nurse (our last nurse was around 4:30am) so i have to figure something out. i end up giving him spoonfuls of frozen fruit slush stuff. this succeeds in numbing his mouth and we finally get to nurse around noon. yay!!!! now he is sleeping again, and i hope he will nurse again soon. i am quite uncomfortable :(

maybe he'll have a bunch of teeth when he wakes from his nap. maybe his teething pain will have subsided even without teeth. i just hope he feels better soon. i'm off to join him for however long he'll stay down. we're pretty beat at the macmillan's today *yawn*

finger painting and swimming playgroup!

our good friend sarah, mama to noah, hosted a really great playgroup last friday. here's some public photos to share. there were an awful lot of nekkid babies, so here's some not-so-nekkid ones:

liam getting ready to paint with mama.

liam, marie and missy painting. liam liked eating the paint more than anything.

liam and mama making footprints with paint.


a close up view of our fun!

i wanted to put up a pic of swimming fun, but there weren't any without naked baby parts. maybe i'll do some photoshop later...

liam had such a great time playing in noah's pool that we went and got him one, too. daddy took a bunch of photos on saturday in our backyard that i will post as soon as he takes them off his camera.

happy father's day!

colin has thoroughly enjoyed his first (and best) father's day. last night while he was shooting a class reunion, liam and painted! i just found out that my camera is broken, so this is from my phone.



i let colin sleep in until 10! liam and i were up earlier, then i nursed him down for a nap and he got to snuggle some more with his dad. i made some tofu-scrambled breakfast burritos for colin and served him in bed. then we went to fellowship, then to his mom's house for lunch. the food was awesome and we had homemade ice cream for dessert - yum! we all got to spend some more time with uncle k (kyle). last night we relaxed at home and watched the movie 'the 11th hour'(very good, btw). all in all, i think colin had a great day.

i hope all the other dads out there did, too!

daddy and liam

here's some cute photos of liam and colin from gage park on sunday. we went to the "boot camp for new dads" BBQ and our friend stacey took these pics. we had a nice time visiting with his wife, ang, and their two adorable munchkins, evander and marley.

saturday we biked to the farmer's market with nikki and zeven and ran into a bunch of friends. once upon a time, i really loathed topeka. i can't believe it, but i actually *love* living here. the saying is true, it's not the place, but the people you surround yourself with. we have so many great friends here. i don't have friendships spanning years yet, but i plan on being here for quite a while.

after farmer's market, we took our respective kids home for naps and lunch. then we all biked together again to the mulvane art fair. it was hot and windy, and it felt mildly dangerous being in some of those tents with the gusty wind. later that evening we went to the marable's house to celebrate justin's birthday. another great evening with good friends. i'm glad we have so many great people in our lives to surround liam. i hope he grows up and feels the same way, too.

colin is doing shoots every day after work at one of the dance studios in town, so we relish the fact that he gets to come home and have lunch with us. it's only for the next two weeks, so we'll survive. we're usually pretty stingy with our family time during the week. hopefully the weather will be good all week so liam and i can get out on our bike. i'm keeping my fingers crossed.

yeah, he's really that cute

colin, being more technically savvy than i, finally uploaded a bunch of videos of liam. enjoy the cuteness.

here's liam giggling from me clapping:



it apparently takes forever to upload these videos, so i'll post more later when i have more time. liam's about 7 months old in this one.

free is even better!

than 50 bucks. i got my replacement phone yesterday, for free! unless the charge shows up on my bill next month. but it would be totally worth it. this phone looks brand new, and they were able to transfer all my pics and contacts. woo-hoo!

the spanish playgroup was fun. darla likes how her mae tai is coming along. we stayed late and visited with her and avery, and melanie and stuart. we also met a spanish speaking mom in class who was very happy to see other nursing moms (darla and me) and through the class leader was able to proudly tell us she was still nursing her little 14 month old, and had nursed her two sons, and planned on nursing for at least two years. yay for mama's milk!

after class, we brought colin lunch at work and got to say hi to nathan and angela. we love going to daddy's work! sometimes nikki and zeven are there, too, and liam gets to play.

we were supposed to have a long overdue dinner with the serenes, but the weather freaked me out. instead, we had sonic and spent the evening making a tornado shelter on pallets in the basement. on pallets due to our basement flooding. the weather really never got bad, although we did lose power. we should have gone to the serene's. i had picked up a strawberry cheesecake i had won earlier for dinner, and once the power had been off for an hour, we decided we should definitely not let it go to waste. i love colin - he has the best ideas! (we only at 1/4 of it).

i'm not doing the calls or babysitting anymore. colin and i had a long talk about these jobs, and he made a good point. we've worked really hard so that i can stay home because we believe liam deserves all the attention i can give him, and so i can take care of the house while colin is working, so we can do whatever we want as a family when he gets home. although my two jobs were small, they still were proving stressful when combined with all of the other stuff in my life. colin said, "would you pay $250 a month to have the easiest life ever? yeah, i would." that's roughly what i was making. i got jim a replacement caller (nikki) and i know the marables will find a better sitter for willow. she deserves more attention than i could give her, with liam still so small and needful (like all babies, really!) but the macmillans are back where we wanted to be. no stress, and lots of time together.

car free weekend!

it's pretty busy having a mobile baby in the house, so it's wednesday and i'm just now reporting on our last week and weekend.

first, liam (or colin, possibly) broke my phone. the LCD is totally jacked, although it still lights up. i can dial my voice mail and speed dial colin, but not all of the digits work. we've been trying in vain to locate colin's old phone. last week the verizon guy i talked to said all i could do was purchase a new handset ($150). so then we started to think that we could get a cooler phone for that price on ebay for colin and i would take his current phone. the verizon guy i talked to today let me know that i could pay $50 for a replacement phone that has had it's LCD repaired (that's the cost of the repair) and instead of sending in my phone and waiting, we'd just switch them. so colin is stuck with his good ol' chocolate, and i get to keep my cute pink one. and we saved money. the balance of the universe has been restored. hopefully they can import my phone book. if not, i'll be needing your digits.

saturday we rode our bikes to the farmer's market. the ride was very relaxing through quiet neighborhoods. liam is nearly 20 lbs, and my bike is heavy, so there is no rushing these bike rides. we loaded my basket up with our goodies and headed home. liam fell asleep a bit towards the end (which is dangerous) so i had to hold his helmeted head up for the last few blocks. when we got home we decided to have a BBQ that night and called everyone. not surprisingly, nearly all had other plans. the leweins joined us for dinner, then jory and melissa stopped by to visit, and finally gravy (aaron) came over and stayed the longest. it was a nice evening.

sunday we rode to fellowship, stopping for donuts along the way. liam loves to ride! after service, we rode to las fuentes for a leisurely lunch with the heindels. then home again! later that night we were back at fellowship (this time via car) for movie night. we watched "7 years in tibet" which i had never seen and thoroughly enjoyed and recommend.

this week i've been getting some sewing done on darla's hybrid mae tai. i've learned how to make a pleated pocket and have successfully combined 4 known patterns into this single design. i'll post pics later when it's complete.

some yummy meals i've created this week include "fake tuna" (garbanzo bean) salad, black bean quesadillas, and spring rolls (all i did was the frying part) with homemade "fried" (not really) rice. colin is really enjoying my meat-free cooking, and i am, too. i don't spend as long in the kitchen, clean up is a much faster, and we are composting much more because of the increase in veggies and fruit.

today liam had his 9 month check up. as suspected, he's still perfect (aren't they all, really?) he's 19lbs, 1oz (25%), and 28 1/2" long (60%). which means, compared to other babies, he's tall and skinny. but again, our doc says he's perfect and we're doing a great job. we love dr. nichols, and although he doesn't agree professionally with all of our parenting choices (ie - our refusal to vax until he's older) he's very supportive of these same choices and respects us. he's a great doctor and i'm glad he's liam's :).

tomorrow we are doing a spanish music and movement class for kids and babies. i'm so glad i have the time to pursue these kinds of fun activities with liam, and still have time for the house, myself, and colin (although not in that order!). sometimes i'm just in love with my life *sigh*. it's pretty sweet.

will travel, with baby.

we got to spend our memorial day weekend with heather and jay, and their very tolerant kitties. liam did pretty well in the car. we had to stop and nurse a few times, and he fought his nap the whole way there, but it was still a success. we rented a cool black nissan (altima?) to drive. since selling colin's car, we have decided that renting for trips is definitely the way to go. my car is missing a few airbags and has over 100K miles. it's road worthy, but why make it work hard when we can just rent?

we went to jay's folks saturday for lunch soon after arriving. liam got to hang out with ginny and played on the floor a bunch. we got some really great food and got to know jay's fam a little more. we had only previously met his dad.

heather and jay did a great job baby proofing without a baby. they got drugs and knives out of reach, but we had to do more. we made a baby gate out of 3 laundry baskets and some pillows. liam had a great time playing with the kitties. next week, the halls are coming to visit heather and jay. ruby is way more active and curious than liam (she's 17mos). should be fun! i miss those guys. i haven't seen them in years.

later saturday night, we were introduced to the wii. i am not coordinated, even for fake athletic games. but colin is. he had a blast, especially on night #2 when he discovered boxing. heather has mad fishing skills. i was ok at bowling. colin experienced the oft talked about "wii arms" when we got back home. i myself suffer from "AP back" from carrying liam everywhere.

heather and i went to the mall and a bbq on sunday. she schooled me on all that is awesome on the interweb. i now have a twitter account and netvibes. she's so cool. :)

we woke up at the crack of dawn on monday. liam was up by 6am and ready for his nap by 8:30. we had to hit the road without being able to say good bye to our lovely hosts. if they lived closer, it wouldn't matter. but we average about two visits a year. sometimes more, if you throw in a wedding and a baby. but we can't do that all the time...

other news and updates:

• colin can make pita bread from scratch. he made some last week. it's pretty cool. we're going to tweak the recipe, because i want it thicker and softer, like from "the mad greek".
  
• liam's bike seat arrived on tuesday. we're going riding later today to the grocery store. so far, he loves it!
• miss sheri came to visit from hollywood. i hadn't seen her in nearly 3 years. *sigh*. she is thinking about moving back to the midwest. i hope she does.
• i signed up for sever weather text messages. i don't know why i didn't do this earlier. now i don't have to wake up and check the radar every time i hear thunder.
• i'm learning how to make jam tomorrow night with evie and our craft crew. i've received said jam for christmas, and i can't wait to make my own!
  
• i may be leaving liam with daddy for the first time for the jam class. we've done a half hour here, and hour there, but when you nurse by request and your kid doesn't take a bottle, you don't go very far. i actually feel a little sick whenever we are apart, so this may or may not actually happen.
  
• i think liam is actually going to get some teeth soon. he's chewing on his tongue like a champ (this is new) and you can feel some bumps on his bottom gum. we'll see. eventually, they will be here.

:)

$39,180.85

this is our grand total after selling the car on saturday. in 15 months, since the month after we found out we were pregnant, this is how much debt, medical bills, stupid tax, etc, we have paid off. we did this so i could leave my job and stay home with liam. it was the best decision of our life. some friends teased us for not buying each other gifts for birthdays and holidays, others for not spending money in general. but not us. we knew that with consumer debt looming over our heads and a baby on the way, we had no business (or need) for more stuff.

now, we have my student loans; then we're debt free! i can't wait to call dave ramsey. with the economy the way it is, we're not going to attack the student loans the way we did this debt. we have accomplished only needing around 20K a year to live and eat, and we will throw the rest in our money market account. we think that in 2 years, we can have a huge down payment to put down on land to build. also, this way if gas becomes $15/gallon, we can adjust our budget to accommodate.

but first we're going to celebrate. this weekend we're going to visit the hez and jay in columbia. we love those guys, and i wish we all lived closer. liam is going to enjoy having new kitties to chase, and jay's mom will enjoy having a baby in her arms. what mother with a child over 30 doesn't have baby fever?! glad our offspring can help defer the energy. he's pretty darn adorable, so i hope he doesn't make it worse.

i'm just excited to hang out with heather. we have similar activity levels. and they have cable ;)

other news. here's a picture of my new ride:

yeah - it rocks. the basket is super cool, and it has gears. we bought it on sunday (just stimulating the economy like george wants) but it wouldn't fit on our roof racks. so i rode home from 29th and topeka blvd and got a crash course in riding a trike. it's definitely different. i'll have to re-learn everything once liam's bike seat arrives. here it is with a baby about liam's age in it:

we're still waiting for it to arrive from amazon. we have his little helmet (it has pirates on it - aargh!). i can't wait. hopefully it comes on tuesday :)

to all the fabulous moms out there

hope you had a wonderful mother's day. i know i did. we went to the early service at fellowship, then headed out to salina to surprise mom and grandma. with the help of mandy and al, we pulled it off. we showed up just in time for lunch and mom was completely excited to see her grandson. sure, she likes visiting with us, too, but it's all about liam now.

we had a tasty lunch and gave mom her present. now to preface, my mother is an animist. she has a native american religious perspective, and her living room at home is all beautiful native american artwork. back in march, mom gave liam this really cute buffalo hat. colin and i thought it would be hilarious to do a photo shoot of liam in the hat. well, then the idea just grew and here is the finished product:


maybe you need to know our family well to truly appreciate it. we think it's hilarious, and mom immediately went and hung it up on the wall. the print we gave her was the size of a small poster.

the rest of the day was spent lounging outside with mom, mandy, and liam on a blanket looking at the pond. colin and stephen took the little aluminum boat out for the first time in seven years. they had fun paddling around the pond with a broken oar and a shovel. the pond has been dry for years, so it's great to have it back. mom and grandma are talking about stocking it with fish soon. i'm glad that liam will be able to make memories at his grammie's and great granny's house, just like i did.

we stayed in salina for about 4 hours, then headed back to t-town. we stopped and picked up a pizza crust and colin made us vegetarian taco pizza with some TVP. it was better that anything you can get delivered. yum!! the transition to not cooking with meat has been much, much easier than anticipated. also, it's really nice not to have to worry about the germs from handling uncooked meat. colin reports having more energy and sleeping better. i'm finding it easier to cook in general because veggies and their related products cook faster and have similar cooking times. i don't have to worry about anything not being "done" enough. anyway, it's working for us and that's all we care about.

if we come over for dinner, no need to make anything special for us. we are vegetarian for many reasons, but do not want our personal decision to create more work or possible wasted food because of trying to accommodate our choices. our friend bill from fellowship told us that the buddha's view was similar - not to refuse meat when offered by others. it's nice to have some ancient wisdom to back up our feelings. besides, the fried chicken at grandma's sunday was delicious :)

while on the subject of phobias....

let's revisit my fear of flying. colin came home from work yesterday really excited. the studio has exceeded the last 6 years of profits for the first four months. nathan took everyone out to lunch and surprised them with the news. apparently if this continues, everyone might be taken on vacation this winter down to mexico to celebrate.

it was all i could do not to cry while thinking about not just my husband boarding an airplane, but myself and liam. ack!! i know, it's a stupid fear. colin says to me "i get scared, too! you only have to get through a three hour flight." i almost threw up in my mouth a little at that. the last time i was on a plane was on a little 45 minute flight from chicago. oh yeah, i was also trashed on vodka tonics. that's not exactly an option when mothering in general and breastfeeding in particular.

i know this is an irrational fear. i have friends who fly every week or so for work. back and forth from KC to DC. they're fine. i think i need to do some hypnosis or something. i mean, here's a chance to go to mexico for free, with colin and liam. i have a while to get over this. it's only a few hours, right?!

our past week or so

we've been busy! we had a lot of stuff happening at fellowship: green meeting, green movie night - during which i won a prize for my fused plastic bag creation. it was a place mat. we've had some building dreams meetings and finally unveiled the first plans to the congregation. if all goes as planned, this time next year we will be finished with all construction. that will be so cool!

colin is almost done with his newest website, for PTMW. it's great! he's taught himself some new cool flash for this one. his good friend eric padilla got married last saturday. we got a chance to hang out with some of his friends, including gravy, rusty and elaine. we don't see a lot of our pre-baby friends much.

we went to the farmer's market last week. i'm hoping to plant our garden this week. i had grandiose plans of starting my seeds inside this year, but i couldn't figure out how to keep the cats out of them. oh well. our rosemary, onions, strawberries and mint are already back. we're planting basil, cilantro, parsley, carrots, green beans, dill and marigolds. the marigolds are supposedly to help keep the rabbits away. we'll see.

colin finished my clothes line. i haven't broken it in yet, but i feel the day will be here soon! i'm really excited. liam loves being outside. we like to rock on the porch swing together and take walks in the neighborhood after dinner. last night we walked over to colin's mom's house. it only took about 20 minutes or so. we used the stroller and liam fell asleep on the way home. he's totally crawling now! it's really cute. he's still not completely proficient, but it's just a matter of time.

i started watching baby willow for the marables this week. she is so stinkin' cute! it's a little taxing. since liam is still practically exclusively nursing, it gets a little dicey at times. i don't know how people with twins do it!

finally, our most exciting news this week is this:
this is colin's father's day present. it's a cordless electric mower. no more gas here, thank you! it is being delivered today. we still have to go buy a little storage shed for it to live in. his old mower was a manual push reel mower. he said the other men in the neighborhood made fun of him. it is a great mower, but only if you use it all the time. colin's stoked to have a bag so he can feed our compost all of our grass clippings.

we're putting colin's car in auto trader next week. i'll post some pics after we get it all detailed. it's a great car and i don't think we'll have any problem selling it. we don't have to rush, so we can wait on a good offer. then, look out, sallie mae! you're next ;)

storm freak out at my house last night!

and it wasn't baby liam. i have a few irrational fears, including flying and tornadoes. when i was a kid, my older sister could make me cry just by saying the word tornado. come to think of it, mandy may very well be the original source of this anxiety. but i digress.

last night we opened up all of the windows before bed, knowing it was going to rain. storms haven't really bothered me as much in the last few years, but sometimes they still get me. last night i woke up around 1am to not very hard rain, but i couldn't go back to sleep. i could hear the storm moving closer to our house. it wasn't loud here, but i could hear it further away. it was weird. so i start to panic that i can even hear such a thing and have to now wake up colin. if i'm awake and scared, there's no reason to be by myself. colin gets up and looks outside. he says the rain is waking me up because it's falling on a tarp outside and that it's just a summer storm. i don't believe him and know something is wrong. he says if it was dangerous, the sirens would go off. i say they could be broken. and then i actually hear them. i now have my liam in my arms and i'm breathless and my heart is racing even more. i make colin grab the papazon pillow and our comforter and head to the basement.

we have a great cheap rental house in a great neighborhood. but it is cheap - and part of the reason (beside my landlord being awesome) is the basement leaks. so we get downstairs (liam is awake now) and decide to sit in the back corner with the least amount of water. colin heads back up for the laptop. i am trying to figure out what debris in our basement will be our fate.

long story short (obviously) there was no tornado. it was just a really strong storm. liam was confused and wanted to play when we went back upstairs, and our comforter got wet with basement ick. our papazon pillow is gross now, too.

colin and i both decided that we need to clean our basement and have a set (and furnished) place to go during storms. we are also expanding the plans in our head for our dream house. it now includes a shelter space that has no part of our house structure above it.

liam didn't fight going back to sleep once we turned all the lights back off. lucky for me, the storm died completely after my freak out. best of all, my husband was super sweet (as always). he snuggled up to me after getting back in bed and thanked me for keeping our family safe. he's the best, and i love him because of it.

what babies really need and other news

not much - that's what! here's a cute photo of liam in his laundry basket. this keeps him wrangled so i can take a shower while he plays. when i finish, i fill the tub for him and pull him in with me. (i had to censor out his junk in this photo...)
and here he is all clean! he loves baths. btw - his little "colbert ear" is really obvious in this photo. they're actually the same size, but attach to his head at different angles. i think it's adorable :)


babies are so much fun! and you don't need to buy a bunch of crap for them. seriously, if you haven't procreated yet, talk to me before you do. i'll save you thousands of dollars, literally, by keeping you from buying all the stuff our society tells you babies need. they are lying and just trying to make money. ok, i'm off my soap box :)

here's my newest little craft. it's a clothes pin bag! it was really easy to make, and will serve me nicely once we get the clothesline put up. i can't wait!

here's a closer view:


i'm blogging today from cold, cold, council bluffs, iowa. colin has a photography conference today through tuesday. we drove up last night. our hotel is swanky - the spring hill suites marriot. we have a fridge, microwave, huge flat panel tv, and internet. the furniture is "hip and modern". here's liam playing on the floor:


they have a hot breakfast and i think snacks later. liam and i are going to go shopping for new swim suits for both of us. my favorite thing about our room is the shower.

check out the chair in the corner. just in case you get too tired from standing and showering. "gosh, i'm totally wiped out from my business trip. if only i could sit down..." brilliant design.

computer, wash my clothes.

look at who's coming to live at our house saturday. it's my fancy new washer! i don't even own 16 pairs of jeans, but you and everyone you know could come over to my house and we could wash them all at once :). my old washer was bought 2 years ago from an ad in the paper for $60. nothing fancy, and it may even be older that i am. i noticed a few months ago that it doesn't actually spin during the entire spin cycle. so a new washer went to the top of our list of things to buy when other things are paid off.

well, other things have all been paid off! except for the car and student loans, we're debt free! we have 1K saved towards what we're upside down on the car, and then we're selling it! this feels pretty good.

this washer is super great, and has a sanitize cycle for when i do my diapers. it also has a delay start on the wash, so you can load your clothes before bed, then have it start later so they aren't sitting damp all night. it also spins your cloths almost dry so you don't have to use your dryer as much. we're putting up a clothes line, too. if we do 8 loads of laundry a week with this machine, it costs $10 a year to operate. i can't wait to start comparing our bills!

the best thing about my washer is it's paid for. it's really neat to pay cash for the things we need. we did it with our bed, and now our washer. oh, our dryer too. the other best thing is this is probably the greatest impact i could have on the environment until we go down to one car.

i feel a little silly since i am so giddy about my new washer! but you'll understand once you see it. and liam's super fresh diapers.

speaking of liam, he's hilarious. he's going to be crawling soon and we have a bunch of videos to post once colin reformats them for the web. stay tuned. it's better than cable.

show me your treasures, gypsy

saturday morning, 7am. liam is awake. usually he will sleep until about 8 or so. but colin and i put up a garage sale the last 2 days, so liam apparently thought we should wake up and do it again. it was supposed to be my day to snuggle and sleep in. however, colin went into work around 6:30 to finish up the st. patty's day wedding order - so it is most likely unfair for me to be tired. but i am.

the sale was a huge success! we got rid of so much stuff - and made ~350. not bad. i couldn't have done it without nikki and zeven (seen here playing in the mirror).

these really odd things happened during the sale:
1. we were both flirted with. not by hot guys like our husbands, but still. it had been such a long time, i was not quite sure what was happening at first. nice to know i still have it.
2. when not being flirted with, i'm pretty sure we were being mistaken as a lesbian couple. nikki also recently had her hair chopped, and you know all lesbians have short hair.
3. someone thought zeven and liam were twins. now, if being twins meant only being super cute, yeah, i could see it. however, nikki's son is a month older, but wears 18 month clothes. that means he is one big kid. silly people.

all in all it was a good time. we all went out to dinner at hu-hot last night (we discovered this is not just colin's, but also nikki's favorite restaurant). then visited sarah's for noah's first birthday party. liam was quite the ham. it was like showing up in a dress prettier than the bride's. usually noah is just as jovial and loud as liam, but liam was in rare flirty form.

we finally got the spare couch moved out (we had 3 for 2 weeks). colin got to spend some time with eric and i got to curl up with a good book. mandy and her friend will be in town tonight and are taking me out for sushi.

tomorrow i turn 29. i think we'll have a bbq later this week, weather permitting.

liam is finally ready to nurse (and nap!) so i'm back to work :)

photos for my mama

liam helping dad cook

liam - 6 months old, ready for bed (check out that huge night-time diaper!)

taking a bath

cute photo shoot at dad's work

best bath photo ever :)

manual labor, with baby

today colin, kyle, mandy, mom and i all came out to grandma's property to clear off (i'm not exaggerating) 36 truckloads of brush. remember the incredible ice storm? well, it successfully destroyed most of the tree's branches and the sight was starting to depress grandma. i have not been this tired in a long time. and i even got to take breaks to help with lunch and dinner, and to nurse and change liam. i can't imagine how everyone else feels, although mandy sleeping next to me on the couch since 8pm is a probably pretty indicative.

however, i worked for about 2 hours with liam on my back in my mae tai. i put it on under my coat and then flipped up the hood over his head. it was really cute, and kept him warm and happy. then he fell asleep, and stayed that way. very very convenient. however, raking limbs and loading trucks with 20 pounds on your back does take it's toll. hopefully he's as tired as i am and will let me sleep tonight.

tomorrow it's back to topeka. i have a ton of laundry to do and i'm gearing up for a garage sale thursday morning. i helped nikki with her's on friday and i have the bug now to get rid of everything i don't need in exchange for a bit of cash.

on a side note, we picked up stephen's old high chair while at grandma's today, so i no longer get the wooden 'eddie bauer' one i've been coveting on target.com. *sigh*

our one year anniversary - wow!

yesterday was colin's and my first wedding anniversary. he had to shoot a wedding, but we did get to spend the afternoon together. we had a leisurely lunch at ruby tuesday, where colin gave me the newest post secret book. yay! he's the best. then we went to barnes and noble to kill a little more time. he had to go back and work the wedding, so i went and tried to find something to wear. that is no small task with a child in tow. two hours and $20 later at kohls, i had a cute green shirt and gold sweater to wear with my sailor skirt. i went and had free dinner at the reception and got to watch my husband work it. he is quite talented.

today liam and i went to the library and got to know george, from fellowship, a little more. we had a really nice visit at the cafe, then i brought colin some lunch. we stayed at the studio until 4 with colin, then headed back home. liam had some extended naked time on the floor while i folded laundry and made my reminder calls for jim. liam is practicing his 'crawling stance' and will be mobile before i'm ready. colin made us yummy tacos for dinner, and i made some banana bread from scratch. we all watched the final episode of 'planet earth' and now this happy family is off to bed. *yawn*

i am SO done with winter, among other things

i've never been as ready for spring as i am right now. baby cabin fever is no joke - i sit at home and tell liam all about warm summer days, flowers, walks to the park, etc. i don't know how inuit moms did it. i guess they stayed pretty busy, what with butchering seals and tending fires and such.

i was inspired to start this blog not just to bitch about the weather, but because i finally read all of these little newspaper columns my mom wrote when we were little and living in wells. (i'm "cassie" ) here's a sample:

Wells News, By Mrs. Kathy Homan
2-24-1983
Greetings from the swamps of Kansas! With the melting snow and all the rain Wells has become a sea of mud. The Homans are considering stocking the small pond that used to be their driveway. Fishing anyone?
Friday morning Kathy Homan, Cassie and Joshua visited Mrs. Jennifer Gordon and children in Salina.
The Doug Homan family took a scenic drive to Oak Hill and Longford Saturday morning.
Saturday afternoon Heather, Mandy and Cassie Homan visited Mr. and Mrs. Tom Bishop while their folks and Joshua went to the AMBUC's sports show in Salina.
Doug and Kathy Homan and family ate dinner with Ross and Evelyn Homan for a belated birthday celebration for Kathy and Cindy Hartger.

through my mom's column (which is kind of like the first family blog!) i discovered that i saw the charlie daniel's band when i was a baby, among other things. we ate at pizza hut in minneapolis, ks a lot when i was little, although i vividly remember that because we always got quarters to play the jukebox.

so i'm taking a cue from my mom and blogging about those possibly boring aspects of my life, knowing that some day my kid (and yet unknown kids) may get a kick out of them.